How to Break Away From A Bad Friendship
Dear Rachel,My best friend and I have been pretty close for about 3 years (that's how long we've been "bffs"). I feel as though she's always off with another one of our other bffs, she never tells me anything and I feel like she is trying to compete with me for everything like good grades, being a good athlete (which I never was and she knows it, so she rubs it in my face kind of; as in she and the other "bff" will run ahead when doing things in gym and kind of block me out).She and the other friend also are always laughing about SOMETHING and when I ask, they say nothing with a smile on their faces.She's an only child and acts like a big baby about everything such as sharing a small piece of snack. When I or other people are starving she'll be like *in a baby voice*, "NO! It's mine!" She also always acts like a baby to get her way, especially with her mom and dad. It can get really annoying.I know what you're thinking: confront her. But I've done that in another situation where I KNOW she was mad but she just denies it.CONFUSED, JEALOUS AND FED UP (this letter has been edited)Dear CJF,This girl sounds pretty tough to deal with. And frankly, anyone who uses a baby voice should have to leave the hemisphere. Sorry, but it drives me insane. I mean, that alone may disqualify this girl from being your friend. But I digress.
You're getting treated like garbage. You know it. You don't deserve it. And you can't change it. First things first: this does not make you a loser, or pathetic. You're getting kicked to the curb - dumped. Just like if you were dating someone. It stinks, yeah, but it happens to almost everyone at some point. The question is what you do now.
She's doing that "threesome" thing where you're the Odd Girl Out. Being tight with that other girl gives her the ability - the safety - to rag on you.Surprise: I'm not going to tell you to confront her. I'll take you at your word. You tried and it didn't work. Truth is, sometimes talking doesn't help. So here's my plan for you:
How To Break Up From A Bad Friendship
1. GRADUALLY withdraw from hanging out with her. Just act like you have other stuff to do, even if you don't. If she asks what's up, just say you're busy, stressed, becoming a monk, whatever. But don't do it all at once or it'll be obvious, and she might get upset.2. Expect for her to start paying attention to you. Some people love to be abandoned - gets them really fired up. If she does, DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. Stay the course on step #1.3. Make a list of people you'd like to be closer with - people who have the potential to be good friends. Taylor Swift does not count.4. Expect this girl to trash you behind your back. She'll feel abandoned. She may accuse you of thinking you're better than she is or she may try to play the victim. Try not to defend yourself unless confronted because that'll only fan the flames. Just trust me that the story will die down. It always does and it's not that interesting to people, anyway.5. Take a risk - I know it's scary - and make a plan with one of those people you identified in step 3. It could be working on a class project or hanging out or just sitting down at their lunch table.6. Repeat step 5.7. Be prepared to go through a period where you are feeling totally freaked out and alone. That's normal. Remind yourself that people who get dumped have to go through a tough time before they heal and find someone new. That's probably gonna be you. I swear it passes. Yes, even for you. There is nothing wrong with you that only you can see. That's the crazy speaking in your head.8. Repeat step 5.9. By the time you hit this step, you're going to have a new friend with potential. I just know it. Trust me. Good luck and let me know what happens.Need advice? Send Rachel an email right now!