Dear Rachel: I Miss My Summer Fling!
Dear Rachel,Over the summer, I met this guy at camp. We grew really close, and we had sort of a fling. He goes to boarding school in New York. I live in L.A. We decided to keep in touch, so we're writing letters and Skyping and whatnot, but I'm really depressed. We don't get to talk as much as I wished we did, and I'm kind of alone down here because I don't have a lot of friends.I know we can't be together. It just doesn't work, and I need to get myself off of this whole idea of us being together. I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't see him. He keeps telling me I need to get over him, date other people, but I just don't want to. I can't. I don't know what to do. Please help me if you can.–LS Dear LS,Summer flings are intense, short-lived and magical... which makes them all the more painful when they end.I honor your pain and I know how awful it is to miss someone with your whole body. But the fact is you're not in a position to drop everything and move to NYC.Part of the reason this hurts so bad is that you didn't have a lot to come home to after camp. There weren't a ton of friends around you to distract you from your heartache. Clearly this guy wasn't just a fling— he filled a hole in your life.Your heart isn't just hurting from him— it hurts because your life at home is hard, too. Spend some time looking inward: how much of your pain is about him, and how much of it is over the emptiness you feel at home? Don't let missing him distract you from your life right now, and what you need to do is make some friends. He probably senses how much you're relying on him emotionally, and my bet is that's a turn off.
There's a reason they say, "home is where the heart is." You're not going to get anywhere pining at home for a guy 3000 miles away. If you want to feel better, try the "fake it till you make it" strategy: put a smile on your face and reach out to people around you.
Sit down at a new table, smile at someone in class, ask someone you don't know to be a partner on a project. Or tell the friends you DO have that you need them right now. Ask for support and don't suffer alone.I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I promise it's the right way forward. The bonus will be that you'll be way more attractive to your guy— and have more of a chance of keeping him in your life— when you seem less dependent on him for emotional survival.Good luck and let me know how it goes! This post originally appeared on teenvogue.com