Dear Rachel: I Want to Stop Being Mean

Dear Rachel, I admit I'm in a clique but truthfully we are not hurtful to other girls but to girls inside our group. These two girls and myself are usually invited everywhere and we exclude girls from our "get togethers."It's never my idea to exclude these girls but when they talk about it I never stand up for the girls. These two girls get very jealous all the time. When something happens and they aren't there they get mad.But when they are somewhere and you aren't they rub it in your face. It's a hard situation to explain. It's like they can have fun but if you have fun they get mad. They talk trash if they are jealous of someone. I know they have talked about me behind my back. Most of the time I have fun with them but when they get mad at me its hell. They get everyone to turn against you. I want to stay friends with them but they aren't really my friends. Should I just stick it out?E.Dear E.,It takes real courage to admit your mistakes. You've got my respect for owning your role in a situation that's clearly hurting other people. Good for you. I think you understand that by not standing up for someone in the face of injustice, you give your silent support to that injustice.You have a tough choice to make: choose your values or your relationships. It's up to you to decide what's more important. Here's the thing: you won't always have these friends. You know something better will come along. But you will always have your values and your choices, and the person you want to be and become.By refusing to exclude these girls, you have an amazing opportunity to make a statement about your character. That's a really big deal - for you and the people around you.If you really don't expect to be friends with these girls in the long haul, why don't you walk away on your own terms, holding your head up high, instead of going into your future having to remember your regrets? You have a chance to fix something here and be true to yourself. But it's not easy. These girls sound insecure and angry. You may need to take cover for a while if you stand up to them.Listen to your gut. Stand up to these girls. Be respectful but assertive. Don't hate or insult. Just say clearly why you're uncomfortable and what you need to change. Give them a chance to hear you.Your courage will come back to you. People will take notice. If you do this with class - by not trashing these girls but just standing up for your values - you will become attractive as a friend to the kind of people you want in your life. Best friends should bring out your best self, not your worst. You've got something great inside. Let it shine. Good luck.