Fiona & the SAT: Overcoming Myself
I just started the second semester of my junior year, and for those of you who haven’t experienced the marathon that this semester looks like it’s going to be, or who lived through it so long ago that you don’t remember anything about it (hi Mom, hi Dad), I’ll tell you right now that a main source of stress for kids in my situation is a three letter acronym that (when said aloud) rhymes with fat…and splat. That’s right: the SAT. (For the record, no one actually pronounces it “sat,” unless they’re really into sounding out acronyms.)I’ve never exactly been a standardized test enthusiast, although the test prep library in my room right now might seem to indicate otherwise, and I’ve always been sort of afraid of taking the SAT. I’ve heard so many people complain about it, and witnessed both horror and success stories. It has always seemed like this fire breathing dragon that only the truly lucky manage to survive.Fortunately, through deep breathing and mirror confidence exercises (look at your reflection and say: “I’m fun, fierce, and fabulous”…just kidding, don’t do that), I’ve managed to separate my emotional fear of the test from my actual skill and performance on the test. I’ve also come to realize that I have to disconnect my experience from that of everyone else.
It was just after I decided this, and was sitting down on a Saturday night to cozy up with my test prep book (I told you junior year was fun), that I began to wonder if my feelings about the SAT have anything to do with being a girl.
I tried to think back on my peers’ complaints about the SAT and realized that, while almost all of them have anxiety about it, my friends who are girls seem to be the most emotionally invested in the exam. The fear and insecurities I felt myself are usually reflected in the girls around me.I’ve written before about the varying standards of stress I believe girls and boys experience in high school, but now I wonder if this is even more true about the SAT. Is that weird emotional connection I felt to the test a fear other girls experience? If so, why do we feel this way?Typically, I believe boys are brought up to be more outwardly competitive than girls, something that I’m not sure is a good thing. While girls may feel the same competition, we’re encouraged to internalize it. It’s less okay for a girl to turn to her best friend and yell, “Got an A+ on my History paper, booya!” than it is for her male counterpart to do so.I know that this double standard has caused me to be initially wary of competitive situations, such as tests, sports games, etc. In fact, when I first joined my debate team (one of the best decisions I’ve ever made), I was almost ninety percent sure I wouldn’t stick with it, because the hyper-competitive side of it really turned me off. In the end, this was something I grew to love.
The SAT is the largest and most universal competition we high schoolers have to face. For girls, I think this can make it one of our greatest fears. I think the key word when discussing this phenomenon is “self-consciousness.” We’re afraid of being perceived as too competitive, but also afraid to been seen failing. Failure is not something a good girl experiences. The ironic thing is that this self-consciousness is exactly what prevents us from succeeding.
I was joking before about those mirror exercises, but thinking about it, it may not be a bad idea to stare into my reflection and remind myself that I’m smart, capable, and hard-working, especially since the only person holding me back at this point is myself.Fiona Lowenstein is a high school junior, weekly guest blogger and Girls Leadership Institute alumna. Read more of her work here.