Fiona's Blog: The Cost of a Mean Girl World
For girls, adolescence is a battlefield for many reasons. Unfortunately, some of the worst hardships are inflicted by other girls.In the teenage classic, Mean Girls, the previously homeschooled Cady Stanton (Lindsey Lohan) leaves her life in Africa for a normal high school experience, only to witness the savage brutality of adolescent, female "friendships." She encounters what she calls "girl world," where she has to battle monsters like poor body image, burn-books, slutty Halloween costumes, and worst of all--frenemies. That is, friends in theory who act like enemies. Unfortunately, in many ways Mean Girls is realistic.Sometimes, the fights are visible, but more often than not, they are hidden beneath the surface--nasty comments, sideways glances, and rumor-spreading that's just waiting to boil over. Of course, it's normal to feel angry at your friends every now and then. I even think it's normal to confide in another friend about how you're feeling. The real trouble occurs, though, when girls decide to keep their feelings hidden, or continue talking to others about what bothers them, but don't want to confront the source of the problem.
Unfortunately, many female relationships progress in this exact way. Girl 1 feels angry at Girl 2. Girl 1 hides her anger. Girl 1 talks to Girl 3 about said problem. Girl 1 and Girl 3 continue to bash Girl 2 without ever confronting her, until it becomes normal for them to do so. Slowly, the relationship between the three girls declines, until none of them feels they can trust one another, and until none of them can be trusted.
That's how we end up with girls who walk around arm in arm calling each other "besties" but in fact hold so much resentment toward each other, they'll badmouth their "best friend" whenever they get the chance.There have been points in my life in which girl world has gotten too intense. During these times, I've taken a break from the drama and spent more time with my guy-friends. Doing this has given me perspective. The guys I know are honest with each other and stick together. While they may be less likely to announce their friendships for all the world to hear, boys may actually be better friends to each other. This is especially ironic, since stereotypes tell us that men are supposed to be competitive, jealous and have trouble getting close to one another.Meanwhile, much of the tension I perceive in girl world seems to be closely related to jealousy, competition, or trust issues--supposedly typical male traits. Teenage girls in today's society have a lot to deal with, so why do we make life even harder on each other?I wish I could say things change as girls grow up, but the media are constantly highlighting examples of girl-on-girl hating. Just look at most reality TV (from America's Next Top Model to The Bad Girls' Club) for examples of women who seek fights with other women. Even in politics, a field known to be tough on our gender, women don't stick together.
Some of the harshest, cruelist criticisms I heard of both Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin came from women. In fact, I'd never heard anyone bash Sarah Palin--and not even for her politics, but for her personal life--as much as the female audience members at an event I attended where feminist icon Gloria Steinem spoke. Just last June, GOP Senate nominee Carly Fiorina nastily attacked California Senator Barbara Boxer's hairstyle! Could anything be more reminiscent of high school?
Sometimes it seems like girls are being raised to hate each other, and in our world, we can't afford to do that. Women need to stick together to be strong. Unfortunately, as I observe the problems of girl world in high school, I slowly come to understand why there are women who hate women in the real world. Still, I continue to have faith that with a little work, we can make girl world a safe place, where girls can link arms and become "besties" for real as we travel into women-world together.Fiona Lowenstein is a high school junior, Girls Leadership Institute alumna and weekly guest blogger.