Guest Blog: Do Girls Pay a Higher Price for Drinking than Boys?
Girls are great fun to teach, but I also worry about them. This is why I visit many girls schools, and I have observed some hazards that do seem particular to girls. The obvious and most pressing fear is that a young woman who is incapacitated by alcohol will be sexually assaulted.I am certainly not discounting the horror and harm there, but people are well versed in those statistics, and I want to address some of the more subtle dangers I see for girls in the alcohol arena. Our society often worries about the more visible male side of drinking and addresses issues like assaults, violence, vandalism and fights. The more invisible consequences for girls are often overlooked.
As females get into middle school, they tune in to the message that their appearance is paramount, and the pressure to perform for adults starts in earnest. My concern for girls is that they are so busy being perfect, that alcohol use becomes a form of self-medication.
In the independent school world, the expectation from adults is that girls will get excellent grades, be fine athletes, be accomplished in the arts, do community service and on top of all that, be nice. The expectation from their peers and the greater pop culture is that they will have perfect hair and skin, wear fabulous clothes, as well as be skinny, cool, pretty and popular. Whoa. It’s not a surprise that some girls are letting the steam off in unhealthy ways. Calorie conscious girls refrain from eating if they know they are going out drinking, which puts them at increased risk for getting dangerously intoxicated quickly (and all the risks inherent in that), as well as developing disordered eating around alcohol. I have not heard of a boy "dieting" all day so he can drink more beer at night.
Girls are also not skilled at just leaving a situation if it gets too hairy or uncomfortable. They stick around in case they are needed to play nurse to a drunken friend or feel worried that people won’t understand why they left the party. Males often say that would just go home if they didn’t like what was happening; girls almost never say that.
Some students of both genders feel confident that they could call their parents or another trusted adult to assist them in an emergency, which shows a strong bond between parent and child and good instincts on the student’s part. It’s extra important that parents go over these possibilities with their daughters and sons and offer to come help – no guarantee of amnesty is necessary, as kids in healthy families understand that consequences would be reasonable and the family would survive the event.More importantly, disaster is easily avoided if kids can trust that adults know what to do and it is safe to call for help. This is not a mixed message, as parents aren’t expecting kids to drink, they are rather making room for the idea that their child could make a mistake and might need them.If you pay attention to all the rubbish on TV and the Internet, it seems that teens are just out of control in every way. Please remember that in the midst of all this madness, many, many young people are thriving and making healthy choices. In fact, the majority of kids that I meet are doing just fine, but nobody is talking about them.In my work, I try to really keep it simple; we are hoping for postponement of alcohol use until adulthood. Bearing in mind that alcoholism is a pediatric illness that almost always arises in childhood, delaying onset of alcohol use is the primary goal. Teens see the logic in that message and it doesn’t demonize all alcohol use, which would confuse them about adult drinking.
Many factors go into whether or not teens use alcohol and other drugs. Kids who are getting a loving non-use message at home, delivered with warmth and humor are making the best decisions – this is true for boys and girls. Parents who focus on health and safety have the most success.
I once heard a mother say something beautiful at a parent meeting, "I have already told my daughter that she is my Hope Diamond and I cannot replace her – I wouldn’t toss my diamond into the middle of a keg party with 80 drunk kids running around and expect to ever see it again or have it come home in one piece – my daughter understands that it’s her environment that I don’t trust and not her."Brenda Conlan is a Prevention Specialist who has worked with students, parents and faculty in hundreds of schools all over the world. She came to Rachel's attention when a former student emailed her, saying, "This really cool lady came to my school! And we never like people who talk about this stuff." Visit her website to learn more.