Lilly's Blog: How Prom Culture Devalues Girls

You know that saying, “Pink is the new black?” I’ve got a new one for you: Prom is the new wedding. Let me explain. There’s a dress. There are flowers. There’s a bad DJ. The list of similarities goes on and on. And there are couples. Lots and lots of couples.I go to a school where it is perfectly acceptable for same sex couples to attend prom. LGBTQ teenagers have successfully challenged the heteronormative nature of proms. That said, prom continues to be a celebration of couples. So don’t let the guys in drag fool you, my school has not evolved beyond viewing girls who go to prom without dates as sad and pathetic. I may be head of the Young Women’s Leadership club at my school, but I’m also familiar with the unwritten rules of my school’s social culture. Subsequently, the thought of going to prom without a date terrifies me.Maybe the “p” in “prom” stands for paranoia. My female peers and I felt that if we went to prom without a date other people would assume there must be a reason we were alone. In other words, a girl without a date is seen, and may see herself as, someone who is so clearly undesirable and unlovable that she is forced to pose for pictures with Mom and Dad.

Girls who go to prom with platonic male friends are only partially off the hook. Because it isn’t enough to have a date to prom; you have to be asked to prom in an extravagant manner. Each “proposal” was topped by the next. The weeks leading up to prom were a minefield for those of us who were not going to get asked. Stairwells were transformed by gigantic banners and classes were converted into stages for poets and bearers of flowers.

Even tests, a sacred thing at a prep school, weren’t safe from the frenzy. The high point (or low point - depends who you ask) of the insanity came when a girl received a history test with a multiple choice option reading d) Go to prom with Robbie. Suddenly teachers were involved in the matchmaking. You no longer had to only worry about being judged on academic merit. Teachers knew exactly who was, and more importantly, wasn’t asked to prom.Teachers are humans too (I’m like 90 percent sure) and it is hard to believe that knowing Jane is going to prom with John will not affect how the teacher thinks of Jane. Just as a teacher wouldn't want his students to weigh in on his love life, students don't want teachers facilitating their prom proposals. The entire community was involved and invested in “The Bachelor: Prom Edition.” And just like on “The Bachelor,” girls were passive participants. The few girls who had the courage to ask a guy to prom faced wrinkled noses and confusion.Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against dating or going to prom with a date. But when girls are told that our worthiness and attractiveness can only be proven to our community by a date, we all lose. When a girl is made to feel less valuable because of all the banners that are not addressed to her, she and her community forget all the substantive reasons she is amazing. Prom season intensifies the culture of expectations that teaches girls that an eager audience of peers, teachers and acquaintances are waiting to see if a guy will choose her. Prom shouldn’t be like Noah’s ark. Most of the animals may board the ark two by two, and that’s fine. But the dateless should not be left behind swimming.