When Instagram = Instashame

The other day I got a text from one of my best friends: “Oh God, no one likes my haircut picture. I’m going to die.”We’ve all been there. Constantly hitting the refresh button. Pretending not to be thinking about it for five minutes and then giving in and refreshing again. And again. Just waiting for that bright orange heart popup and the sigh of relief when it finally comes.There’s a diagnosis for the heart beating fast, the disappointment, the things we tell ourselves to try to brush it off like it’s nothing: Instashame. But, have no fear, Instacomrades; we’ve got a treatment plan.Though the concept of “likes” is ubiquitous in social media there is something especially devastating about not getting them on Instagram. I have a few theories about why:

1. Smaller populations. Instagram is a tighter-knit community. You have fewer followers and they tend to be people you are close with IRL.

People close to you are supposed to like you all the time, right? And by following that logic, they should like every picture you take, right?

1. “It’s just a picture.” Just a picture and a caption and that’s all you’ve got. With Facebook, you can post about your school play, your favorite presidential candidate, this week’s best song, and make fun of your parents. Instagram tends to focus on us. It’s usually pictures of us, pictures of us with friends, pictures of us with dogs, pictures of us with a killer brunch; or, at least, the “us” is implied. It’s always us behind the camera (or staged in front of it.) I don’t know how it was possible to make a more intimate social media setting than Facebook, but Instagram has done it; it takes the phrase “a picture is worth a thousand words,” to a whole new level. It says, “A picture is worth a thousand likes.” Oof, that’s some pressure.
2. It’s the new hot thing. Let’s face it: Instagram is the new power source, the new barometer of likeability. Its new “Queen Bee” status puts pressure on all of us to be the ultimate ruler of the kingdom. Of course we’re going to fall short.

Instashame is something we can’t really avoid when we put ourselves out there to be rated, but it also doesn’t have to define us. I mean, it's a total bummer if you get a new haircut and no one likes it. But no one liking it on Instagram does not always translate into what people think out there in the Real World.Instagram is not a source of worthiness; it’s a source of connection and self-expression. Though separating the two is insanely hard, it’s equally as important.

If we can’t distinguish between Instagram likes and real-life likability, we’re setting ourselves up for Instashame to turn into all-the-time shame.  And letting it consume us leaves our lives to be in an alternate universe that leaves us constantly hungry for more.

I leave it up to intention. Every time you put a picture on Instagram, spend five seconds thinking about why you are posting it. Are you trying to show your close friends what you’re up to, that you’re with your family, or it’s finally Fall (Pumpkin Spice Latte, we meet again)? Or is it because we want to sit there all afternoon and watch the orange and white hearts creep up and up and watch our worthiness meter creep up and up?Let’s all come back to Earth my friends. Believe me, this does not mean deleting your Instagram (try to make me do that and I will do things that will even scare me.) Just be mindful of why you’re posting, whom you’re posting for, and what your ideal outcome is from each post. The more intention you can put into it, the less shame it will produce.‘Gram on, my friends. Your dog is too cute not to share.Blaine is a recent college graduate, and is obsessed with all things social media and all things dogs. She can’t get enough of feminist theory, DIY projects, and Spotify playlists.