Back Off. He's Mine. Or Is He?

Dear Rachel,So there's this guy I've liked for about three years now, and we've been sorta together or best friends the whole time. But now one of my best girl friends is talking to him, and hanging out with him. She persistently states that she doesn't like him, but it's quite obvious she does. And she tries to rub it in my face by telling me when they're talking or things she says. And I'm in a fight with the guy right now so I cant talk to him about it. I try to tell her how I feel and tell her I wish she wouldn't talk to him, but she just says she doesn't like him, and pretty much turns herself into the victim....But she just keeps flirting and talking to him, and what's worse is I think he is starting to like her, but she doesn't stop him. --KaitlynnHey Kaitlynn,This is a really tough and painful situation. Here's what I think. Your friend isn't being much of one at all if she isn't able to respect your needs. That said, there are a couple of red flags here: first, it doesn't sound like you and this guy are actively together. You're "sorta" together (?) and not even speaking to each other. I'm not saying what your friend is doing is cool, but at the same time, it's not like you and this guy are sending out wedding invitations, either.Do you expect your friend not to talk to this guy at all? How clear have you been with your friend about what you need? For example, when you say she's "flirting," what, exactly, do you mean? Is she sitting on his lap? Standing too close? I think you need to be super specific about exactly how this friend should cool her jets.If she keeps denying she likes him, tell her that's not the point. You're asking her to respect some boundaries. It's for your sake, not hers. She needs to respect you and your request, regardless of what she feels. At the same time, I don't think it's fair to ask her - or anyone, for that matter - not to interact with someone else.Here's my second question: why are you directing all your anger at her? This guy isn't being flirted with at gunpoint. If he starts to like her, is that her fault only? I'm thinking you should be clear with him about your needs, too - yes, even if you're not speaking right now. But here's the deal: if there are no real strings between you guys right now, you might need to adjust your expectations for this relationship, or get good and angry at him, too, because he's letting you down just as much as she is.Bottom line is this: It's not fair to ban a friend from interacting with a guy you like. But if she's a good friend, you shouldn't have to. She should respect your need for boundaries. Be clear about what you need, and spread the anger around a bit, sister.