Dear Rachel: I Can't Forgive My Father

Dear Rachel,My parents are divorced because my dad cheated. I was the only one who knew about it for a pretty long time. I am really hurt, and when I talk to my dad about it, he denies everything. He has been mean to me and told me to leave (I wanted to though). He said he never wanted to see me again. And for a year he has said mean things to me. He wants me to come back, but I can't forgive him, I have tried!! It's too hard. People are pressuring me into going, saying I need to have a relationship with him, but they don't understand how hurt I am.CLDear CL,What your dad did is hard to forgive, no doubt. He let you down, and his choices broke up your family. Then, instead of seeking your forgiveness, he turned on you. I don't blame you for thinking the relationship should end.But he is still your father. You only get one of those in life. And parents are far from perfect. They say and do stupid things. Like us, they can take too long to figure it out. It seems like your dad is finally getting a clue.

I think you're worried that by talking to your dad, you'll have to go back to the way things were before his affair. But you don't. You are the one in control, and you have the power to recreate this relationship in a way that feels safe to you.

If you want to go speak with him once and then never talk again, you can. If you want to keep your distance and talk once every few weeks, that's your decision. The important thing is to understand that the choice and control are yours.If you can look at it that way, you might feel more willing to reconnect on your own terms. Again, you don't have to forgive him yet. But he is your father, and you should think very carefully before you walk away forever. Life is short, and time is precious.Good luck and let me know how it goes!Rachel(This post was originally published at teenvogue.com)