Guest Blog: Decoding your "Mean" Mom
"Listen to your Mother!" How many times have you heard that? I was a rebellious child. I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I was actually listening. By today’s standards, I probably had a "mean" Mom. This is not really a criticism, as this tale will reveal! I will never forget being a sophomore in high school and having a colossal blowout with my Mom about going in some boy’s car. I wasn’t going to a party or a dark alley. I was going to a MUSIC FESTIVAL to sing proudly with my dorky chorus. It was a serious war. My Mom wanted everything from this kid’s parents’ occupations to his pet’s name. We fought and fought and I lost – BIG TIME. Not only couldn’t I go in the car, but I had to suffer the embarrassment of being the only one of my friends dropped off by my Mom while everyone else piled in for the joy ride. Every time I see one of those unfortunate news reports about teens getting into car accidents I see this incident with new eyes. I am thankful that my Mom stood her ground, keeping me safe regardless of the fight I put up. What seems uncool at the time can in many ways protect you from more than you know.
I imagine there are zillions of scenarios where you and your Mom did not see eye to eye. As a teen we rage inside with thoughts of: "She doesn’t understand me! She hates me! I hate her! She is trying to RUIN MY LIFE!" At the time those thoughts are completely legitimate. It does feel like that. The fact is in most cases it is just not that.
Do any of these sound familiar? "You’re wearing that??!!""Be home by 11pm on the dot.""You’re not going out tonight until your homework is done.""I don’t care if Tiffany’s mom is letting her go to the party – I said NO!" You think to yourself: "What is she saying? Doesn’t she understand I have a LIFE?" I am here to decode your seemingly "mean" mother. It is a rather complicated science that I have mastered in recent years.
Whether you would like to believe me or not, your mom is actually saying three words in most of these instances: "I LOVE YOU."
She is also saying "I want your life to be GREAT. I want you to develop into a well rounded, self respecting, powerful woman!" Though it may not come out this eloquent, it is often what is running the show in the background. Moms are NOT supposed to be your gal pals. Their role in your life is distinct from your BFF. They are also – SURPRISE – human beings. They make mistakes. They get angry. They have bad days. They say things the sometimes shouldn’t have. Nevertheless, they are responsible for navigating you through a world filled with mixed messages and hoping you latch on to one of the good ones. For some of you, this may be bittersweet. Perhaps your mom is no longer here, or you don’t live with her. For those young women, I share your pain. I didn’t give my mom a break in most of my teen years, and I can never go back. Four days before my junior year of high school, my Mom lost a four year battle with cancer. It was the most painful thing I ever went through and am still carrying. As I look back, I am more than grateful for the times she stood firm, playing the mean mom, and forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do. But this is not a ploy to go give your mom a hug! It is, however, a lesson in appreciating the role of your mom in your life. While it seems hard to put into action, just a few small actions can make a world of difference. For example: - Want to avoid fights about clothes? Try doing some of those shopping trips WITH your mom. Inviting your Mom into the process may not always be your first choice. You spend all day with your friends at school and on the weekends. Use this as quality bonding time!- Interested in gaining more privileges? This is simple – you must build trust. Making your curfew and respecting boundaries on a consistent basis will help deepen the trust between you and a parent. When the time is right, this makes asking for that extra 30 minutes for the Friday night curfew more likely.- Before you scream your head off about going in that boy’s car - know the facts. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the leading cause of death for teenagers is automobile accidents. Click here for more staggering statistics. Have a clear conversation with a parent about the rules of driving with others and stick to a solid agreement. You know there is going to be that next argument where you will be tempted to think your mom is out to get you. If you can remember the "I love you" hidden in the heat of the moment, you will immediately learn something quite valuable. Give thanks for your "mean" mother. She rocks.