Heidi's Blog: Say It Now
Communication in a world where women are meant to be seen, not heard, is about as simple as communicating a Starbucks order. The flavour is in English, the size in Italian, and the price in scientific notation. In the end, however, you pick up your venti caramel frap with extra extra caramel, extra whipped cream, and light ice with the satisfied feeling of getting exactly what you wanted. This doesn't need to stop once you walk out those glass doors. Communicating your needs, wants, and even distastes can be a skill for every arena you face. Equality is an important facet of feminism, but can only be achieved if women speak up!You are human. I know, shocking. You can pinch yourself if you donʼt believe me. See that skin? One-hundred-percent human. Do you know what humans have? Faces. And needs. Itʼs okay - you can admit it.
You have needs. I know the basic ones - food, water, shelter. I canʼt, however, guess them all. And that is where communication comes in.
“Tell me what you need.” I remember being told this, many times, and not being able to answer. It was like there was a block between my brain and my vocal cords. Terrible silence echoed my thoughts, but not clear enough to actually tell anything. Itʼs hard to say “I need...” You donʼt want to make demands. You donʼt want to put pressure on anyone. As a society, women are meant to be small and unnoticeable. By speaking up and not just wanting, but needing something, with all its connotations of urgency and non negotiability, you are creating a powerful situation. You are taking control. That can be scary, but you can do it. I promise.In a different ball park, there are wants. Too many “want”s can make one sound like a spoiled child - always wanting more, always craving the next cookie. But sometimes, youʼll want something and youʼll deserve it. Good for you! What is it you want? Is it another cookie? A day at the spa? New running shoes? You can indulge yourself. This is NOT Sparta! This is a world where women work hard (and, statistically, for less than man). Hard work deserves to be rewarded.
Wanting things from people is tricky. Thereʼs a fine line between asking for something and demanding something. The most important thing to remember is that just as you are free to ask, they are free to consent or dissent. Donʼt take it as a sign to never ask for anything again. Accept it, thank them anyway, and go on. You did what you could. Thatʼs a brave thing.
The most important thing, to me, is communicating what you DONʼT want. Iʼve had a dear, dear friend stuck in the conundrum of hanging out with a boy - she wanted to hang out, but she didn't want to have sex with him. In my mind, these activities shouldn't have to go together. But, to the point Iʼm making here, you have to be able to tell someone you donʼt want something, and they have to respect that. If you find yourself with someone who canʼt respect that, do not walk away. RUN. To the nearest train station. Seriously, you donʼt need someone who makes you do things you donʼt want to do. You already have to do so many things you donʼt want to out of necessity. Donʼt add anything for anyone else.Although the focus of this is communication, you have to remember: communicating needs and wants doesn't guarantee them. The only way to guarantee anything is to do it yourself. Speaking these things is a great way to realize them yourself, and to really commit to them. If you have people in your life who can and will help you, great! Make sure you return the favour! But no matter what happens, you can have the life you want.Blessed be.Heidi lives in New York City and is a senior in high school. She enjoys the finer things in life, such as chemistry puns and crocheting. You can reach her on email or find her on Facebook.