Taking a Stand on Bullying, Part II: The Power of High School Seniors

Last week, I blogged about a recent bullying incident at my school and the actions my fellow peer leaders and I took to show students that there is nothing cool about bullying.We met with the freshmen class members to discuss the incidents, and began by sharing personal stories about bullying. While having the peer-leaders share stories was designed to have an impact on the freshmen, surprisingly it also had a major impact on us, the story-tellers.Before the ninth graders arrived, the fourteen peer-leaders decided to share our bullying stories with one another. Initially, we did this for purely practical reasons, to practice our presentation. But as we stood in a circle and spoke, by the second or third story, everyone began to realize that we were beginning to affect each other with what we were saying. Our dress rehearsal was hitting home.We students who were selected as peer-leaders  are from many different social cliques. There are jocks, nerds, theater kids, and hipsters. Many of the stories we shared dealt with sensitive issues, like gay-bashing, racism, and fat-shaming. The experience was extremely moving and offered insight into the characters of the other peer-leaders, many of whom I am only beginning to know this year.

Many of us had witnessed one another’s stories. Many of us had witnessed and been silent. And, afterward, as we stood, waiting for the freshmen to arrive, some of us turned to each other to say, “I can relate to what you said so much,” or “I’m so sorry I was there, and I let them do that to you.” The conversation made everyone emotional, and several people teared up.

Being seniors in high school often means coming together as a grade. We all know we’re leaving soon and that we won’t see each other anymore. We’ve come to appreciate one another this year, coming together over the stress of college applications and schoolwork. I certainly expect to connect more with members of my class before graduation, but I doubt anything will make me feel as close to a group of people I’m not already close with as this discussion did. Talking about our own experiences made us realize how much we had and hadn’t grown as a group, and confirmed for me that I want to do whatever possible to prevent anyone in my class from feeling ostracized.When the ninth graders arrived, there was a sense of unity among the peer-leaders that helped us tackle the problem in a whole new way. We knew we were all on the same page, and we shared our personal stories with the freshmen, aware that the other peer-leaders around us supported us.When we shared with the freshmen, many of them looked shocked. Some cried when they heard our stories, and several were unable to meet our eyes. We then opened up the conversation to them, asking if they had witnessed similar situations in school.

We had all been skeptical coming into the meeting: we didn’t expect the freshmen to speak when we asked them to discuss the problem, and we worried that they wouldn’t take us seriously. Maybe we underestimated them, or maybe we underestimated ourselves. Whatever the case, many of them opened up to us. In fact, we got through to a whole lot more of them than I expected us to. I can’t say for sure that the bullying in the hallways will stop. But so, far I have heard kids apologizing to one another, and that’s a definite start.

Throughout high school, I have attended several programs that have focused on fostering a sense of community through “team building exercises” and trust games. I participated in some great exercises like these when I attended the Girls Leadership Institute (GLI) in 2008. Despite the fact that I have always enjoyed these experiences and hoped that they would work in a situation of real bullying, I’ve always been a bit doubtful of the real-world effectiveness of falling into another person’s arms after reciting all the times you’ve talked about them behind their back (see: Mean Girls).The truth is, exercises and discussions like these CAN work, and I realize now that the preparation programs like GLI gave me is incredibly useful. At my school, the seniors saw a problem, and we took it on headfirst. As awful as it sometimes is, seniors have the power to dictate what’s cool and what’s not. In this instance, we told the freshmen that bullying was not cool, and I think they listened. Of course it’s different in every school, but I think if I could give one piece of advice from this experience it would be to not be afraid to take a stand. Our meeting only worked because we all stood up and showed that we weren’t going to let this behavior continue. We left our own insecurities about popularity and coolness at the door and were truly ourselves, if only for an hour. But it was an hour I won’t soon forget.Fiona Lowenstein is a high school senior, weekly guest blogger and Girls Leadership Institute alumna. Read more of her work here.